6281 

T7 

1922a 


UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORN  A,  SAN  DIEGO 


3  1822  02349  9668 


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DNEY  TREMAYNE 


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UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA,  SAN  DIEGO 

Hill  mil ""' '" '" '"  ^"' "  'KiiiiNiiiiiiiiiiiii 


3  1822  02349  9668 


P/V 

T7 


TATLI  NGS 

by  Sydney  Tremayne 

The  Drawings 
by  Fish 


TATLINGS 

Epigrams 

by  Sydney  Tf  remayne 

The  Drawings 

by  Fish 


NEW  YORK 

E.  P.  Dutton  and  Company 

1922 


INTRODUCTION 

HEREIN  THE  FORTUNATE 
READERS  WILL  FIND 
THE  HAPPY  CONJUNCT- 

ion  of  two  very  brilliant  young  people,  whose  literary 
and  artistic  talents  fit  like  the  proverbial  glove,  or 
the  musical  and  lyrical  alliance  of  those  immortals, 
Gilbert  and  Sullivan. 

Never  were  epigrams  more  worthily  illustrated, 
or  more  worthv  of  illustration.  The  j'oie  de  vivre, 
the  humour  and  the  human  observation  which  run 
through  this  little  volume,  will  I  am  sure  make  a 
great  appeal  to  the  public  possessing  or  admiring 
those  qualities. 

I  am  proud  to  think  that  I  was  responsible  for 
the  journalistic  debuts  of  both  authors,  whose  work 
enriched  the  pages  o^  "The  Tatler  {or  some  years,  and 
that  1  have  been  honoured  in  being  asked  to  write 
an  introduction  to  their  first  collective  effort. 

E.   HUSKINSON 

Editor  of  The  Tatler 


ILLUSTRATIONS 

Frontispiece 

Most  women  if  they  had  to  choose  would  ask  for  a  clear 
complexion  in  preference  to  a  clear  conscience       page  1 9 

NLen  do  not  try  to  escape  temptations;  their  only  fear  is 
that  some  temptation  should  escape  them        pages  46-7 

Tou  can  never  forget  a  sin  you  have  confessed     page  Gi^ 

Most  women  live  for  the  present^  and  the  handsomer  the 
present  the  better  they  live  page  7 1 

Men  always  say  that  they  loathe  being  flattered^  but  don  t 
take  any  notice — no  man  has  ever  known  that  he  was 
flattered  page  74 

Letters  that  should  never  have  been  written  and  ought 
immediately  to  be  destroyed  are  the  only  ones  worth  keep- 
ing page  78 
T^he  husband  who  counts  is  the  one  who  has  something 
to  count  page  83 
When  you  see  an  old  man  alone  you  are  looking  at  some- 
thing  very  sad.  When  you  see  an  old  man  with  a  young 
woman  you  are  looking  at  something  rich  page  9  2 

What  a  womanwears  reveals  more  than  she  says  p^ge  99 


TATLINGS 


TATLINGS 


THE  LOOKING-GLASS  reveals 
us  as  we  are  to  ourselves;  the  Wine-glass 
reveals  us  as  we  are  to  others. 


I 


F  A  M  A  N  puts  a  woman  on  a  pedestal 
someone  else  will  help  her  down. 


N 


O   MAN  gets  what  he  wants,  though 
some  may  get  what  they  have  wanted. 


THE   REASON  that  a  love  afFair  so 
seldom  ends  happily  is  that  one  of  the 
lovers  is  generally  unwilling  for  it  to  end  at  all. 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

NO  O  N  E   agrees  with   other   people's 
opinions,  they  merely  agree  with  their 
own  opinions  expressed  by  somebody  else. 


I 


T  I  S  a  poor  doctor  who  cannot  prescribe 
an  expensive  cure  for  a  rich  patient. 


AW  O  M  A  N  alone  is  not  necessarily  a 
temptation,  if  she  were  a  temptation  she 
would  probably  not  be  alone. 


SOME   people   succeed    in  preserving  a 
youthful  appearance,  but  they  show  their 
age  in  their  opinions. 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

IF   YOU   GIVE  a   woman    an    oppor- 
tunity, she  will  take  everything  else  that 
she  wants. 


Y 


O  U  A  R  E  much  nearer  success  when  you 
are  deplored  than  when  you  are  ignored. 


SO  M  A  N  Y  young  women  have  glibly 
promised  their  lovers  that  they  would 
'never  change'  and  have  been  unrecognisable 
ten  years  later. 


T 


O  A  W  O  M  A  N  women  are  a  sex  and 
men  an  individual. 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

AW  O  M  A  N  likes  to  know  what  the  man 
she  loves  was  like  when  he  was  a  little  boy ; 
but  a  man  would  rather  know  what  the  woman 
he  loves  will  be  like  when  she  is  an  old  woman. 


IT  IS   PROBABLE  that  if  a  woman 
cannot  see  the  point  of  her  husband's  jokes 
she  will  see  very  little  indeed  of  him. 


A 


WOMAN  may  have  a  small  mouth  and 
yet  be  able  to  open  it  very  wide. 


AGIRL  WHO  spends  her  youth  learn- 
ing philosophy  will  almost  certainly  need 
it  when  her  youth  is  spent. 


o 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

NE   MAN'S    love  is  often  only  the 
bait  with  which  another  man  is  caught. 


OME  PEOPLE  contrive  to  make  their 
'silent  suffering'  simply  deafening. 


ONE  CAN  forgive  a  person  lying  about 
one  and  possibly  disprove  them,  but  it  is 
unforgiveable  if  they  tell  the  truth;  that  is 
taking  a  mean  advantage. 


WOMEN  have  been  the  same  through 
all  the  ages:  the  only  difference  between 
a  girl  and  her  mother  is  their  feeling  for  her 
father. 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

IT  I  S  difficult  for  a  man  to  understand 
that  a  woman  who  would  go  through  hell 
forloveofhim  iscapable  ofleaving  himbecause 
he  clears  his  throat  or  uses  a  toothpick. 


NOTHING  unites  people  like  a  common 
sorrow,  except,  perhaps,  a  vulgar  joke. 


I  FA  PRETTY  back  view  won't  let  you 
catch  it  up  it  has  probably  got  a  horrible 
face. 


A 


S  S  O  O  N  as  a  woman  has  put  a  man  in 
her  power  she  puts  him  out  of  her  heart. 


T 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

HE  ONLY  blows  Fate  seems  to  deal 
some  people  are  slaps  on  the  back. 


AW  O  M  A  N '  S  clothes  should  be  like  an 
epigram,  an  adequate  expression  of  an 
idea  without  a  superfluous  —  syllable. 


SOME   M  E  N  borrow  a  fiver  and  behave 
for  ever  after  as  if  the  only  thing  they  owed 
you  was  a  grudge. 


AW  O  M  A  N    I  S  not  really  adequately 
clothed  because  she  is  draped  in  mystery. 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

IT  I  S  inexplicable,  but  undeniable,  that  a 
man  often  prefers  the  woman  he  has  to 
make  excuses  for  to  the  woman  he  has  to  make 
excuses  to. 


w 


H  AT  a  woman  costs  and  what  she  is 
worth  are  two  entirely  different  things. 


AMBITIONS  vary :  Men  may  want  to 
do  well,  women  may  want  to  look  well, 
but  the  old  only  want  to  sleep  well. 


AW  O  M  A  N  cares  most  for  a  man  when 
their  love  affair  is  over,  a  man  cares  most 
for  a  woman  before  their  love  affair  has  begun. 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

EVERYONE  likes  to  be  run  after,  but 
the  difference  between  men  and  women 
is  that  men  do  not  want  to  be  caught  and 
women  do. 


AW  O  M  A  N  who  can  bear  to  hear  her 
husband  praise  another  woman  is  either 
different  to  other  wives  or  indifferent  to  her 
husband. 


A 


MAN'S  '  for  ever '  is  just  about  as  long 
as  a  woman's  'five  minutes.' 


OME   PEOPLE  drain  the  cup  of  life, 
and  others  stick  to  a  medicine  glass. 


I 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

T  T  A  K  E  S  a  clever  man  to  write  a  good 
love  letter,  but  only  a  fool  would  do  it. 


OD  D  LY  enough  the  impression  made  by 
the  possession  of  several  different  names 
is  not  nearly  so  favourable  as  the  impression 
made  by  the  possession  of  several  different 
addresses. 


T 


H 


HE  MEANS  to  an  end  may  put  an 
end  to  one's  means. 


E  WHO  CAN  does,  he  who  can't  is 
shocked. 


lO 


A 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

ROMANCE  is  wonderful  while  it  lasts, 
but  if  it  lasts  it  ceases  to  be  a  romance. 


T 


O   B  E  successful  in  love  one  must  know 
how  to  begin  and  when  to  stop. 


MANY  A  M  A  N  has  ended  by  running 
away  with  a  woman  because  he  had  not 
the  sense  to  begin  by  running  away  from  her. 


MANY  AN  impecunious  stylist  has 
found  that  a  girl  is  more  easily  won  by 
an  ordinary  bank-note  than  an  extraordinary 
love  note. 


1 1 


A 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

N   INFALLIBLE  way  of  acquiring 
a  host  of  friends  is  to  be  a  host  yourself. 


THERE   ARE  three  stages  in  a  man's 
infatuation  for  a  woman :  making  his  way, 
having  his  way,  and  going  his  way. 


ITISTHEMAN   who  has  no  right 
who  generally  comforts  the  woman  who 
has  wrongs. 


w 


OMEN  who  are  the  easiest  to  win  are 
always  the  most  difficult  to  lose. 


12 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 


IT  IS  perfectly  saintly  to  love  some  women; 
and  that  presumably  is  sacred  love.  It  is  per- 
fectly natural  to  adore  others;  and  that  prob- 
ably is  profane  love. 


MANYAWOMAN'S  undoing  is  due 
to  her  maid. 


w: 

by  another. 


HEN  A  MAN  is  lost  to  one  woman 
t  is  generally  because  he  has  been  found 


AMANMAY   BE  legally  attached  to 
one  woman  and  yet  sincerely  attached  to 
another. 


13 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 


TO   INDULGE  in  independent  ways 
one   really    needs    to  have  independent 
means. 


IT  I  S   no  use  collecting  notable  acquaint- 
ances unless  you  can  be  sure  that  they  will 
recollect  you. 


BY   ALL   MEANS  tell  a  woman  you 
love  her,  but  don't  tell  her  anything  else. 


THAT  A  MAN  and  woman  are  always 
together  proves  nothing — but  it  is  prob- 
ably true. 


14 


I 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 


F  A  WOMAN  goes  too  far  with  a  man, 
she  comes  back  alone. 


A 


PRETTY  woman  in  a  becoming  gown 
is  a  temptation — men  love  temptations. 


I 


F  YOU   CANNOT  be  funny  without 
being  shocking,  it  is  better  to  be  shocking. 


OFCOURSEitis  quite  dreadful  to  lead 
another  into  mischief,  but  it  is  almost  im- 
possible to  enjoy  oneself  alone. 


15 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

NO  T  H  I  N  G  is  more  infuriating  than  to 
be  accused  of  doing  something  which 
one  has  taken  every  precaution  to  keep  secret. 


THE  WOMEN  who  have  nothing  to 
show  are  the  ones  who  have  nothing  to 
hide. 


IF  O  N  E  Hves  long  enough  one  is  bound  to 
become  respectableand  virtuous — hallowed 
by  time. 


WOMEN  are  always  asking  questions 
and  men  are  always  inventing  answers 
— and  women  are  none  the  wiser. 


i6 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

GOODNESS  is  only  a  relative  term, 
and  one  that  is  always  on  the  tongue  of 
relatives. 

A  WO  MAN'S  accounts  ofhov^  she  spent 
'the  house  money'  are  only  equalled  in 
inventive  genius  by  a  man's  accounts  of  how 
he  spent  his  time. 

THERE    ARE   two  sorts  of  lovers — 
those  who  forget  and   those  who   are 
forgotten. 

ONE  SOON  gets  tired  of  saying  a  thing 
over  and  over  again  if  nobody  contradicts, 
just  as  one  soon  gets  tired  of  doing  a  thing 
over  again  if  no  one  says  one  mayn't. 


17 


V 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

O  V  E  IS  NICE  when  it  is  new,  but  it 

wears  badly  and  is  impossible  to  renovate. 


E 


VEN    THE    MOST  upright  man 
may  be  tempted  by  a  recumbent  woman. 


AW  O  M  A  N  may  have  no  reticence  about 
her  ankle  or  even  her  knee  if  it  ispretty, 
but  she  will  never  show  her  hand. 


EVERYONE  must  take  chances  and 
if  they  turn  out  right  they  are  renamed 
opportunities. 


i8 


A 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

MAN  will  forgive  a  woman  doing  every- 
thing at  his  expense  except  making  a  joke. 


SOME   MEN  consider  marriage  an  un- 
necessary expense,  and  some  men  simply 
won't  consider  it  at  all. 


MA  N  Y  a  woman  has  waited  patiently  for 
years  until  the  man  could  afford  to  marry 
her,  and  then  he  won't  wait  patiently  for  five 
minutes  while  she  puts  her  hat  on. 


FLIRTATION  and  office  work  are 
the  oil  and  water  which  the  devil  some- 
times tempts  a  man  to  attempt  to  mix. 


19 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

PEOPLE  who  allow  their  character  to  be 
diluted   by   other   people's   opinions  are 
naturally  weak. 


IT  IS  ONLYa  very  great  man  who,  in  a 
higher  position,  does  not  look  small  to  the 
man  down  below. 


IT'S  A  MISTAKE  to  takeamaninto 
your  confidence.  If  you  do  you  will  probably 
never  trust  him  again  and  he  will  certainly 
never  trust  you  again. 


B 


Y  ALL  MEANS  express  an  opinion 
but  not  by  post. 


20 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 


IF  A  WOMAN'S  appearance  is  bad  her 
re~appearance  is  worse. 


IF   A    WOMAN  HAS  anything  worth 
telHng  she  tells  it;  if  a  woman  has  anything 
worth  showing  she  shows  it. 


TT  I  S  no  good  laying  down  the  law  if  you 


can't  take  up  an  argument. 


A 


WOMAN'S  M  I  R  R  O  R  reflects  her 
whole  world. 


21 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

IT  '  S  A  splendid  plan  to  make  a  man  run 
after  you,  but  remember  that  he  won't  go 
on  running  indefinitely  merely  out  of  curiosity 
or  hope.  The  time  will  come  when  he  will  sit 
down  to  rest — with  someone  else. 


AW  O  M  A  N  who  knows  just  when  and 
how  to  make  a  scene  is  clever,  but  the 
woman  who  knows  just  when  and  how  not  to 
make  a  scene  is  wise. 


A 


WOMAN  always  puts  on  silk  stock- 
ings before  she  takes  the  final  step. 


A' 


LLBEAUTIFUL  things  are  created 
for  and  destroyed  by  women. 


22 


I 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

F  A   H  U  S  B  A  N  D  leaves  his  wife  alone 
ten  to  one  someone  else  won't. 


Y 


O  U  C  A  N  '  T  be  even  acquainted  with 
love  without  becoming  intimate. 


THERE  never  was  a  w^oman  so  fast  that 
man  could  not  keep  pace  with  her. 


NO   MATTER  how  orderly  she  is  by 
nature  it  is  a  mistake  for  a  woman  to  be 
always  putting  her  husband  in  his  place. 


23 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

IF  A   M  AN  is  free  to  do  what  he  likes  he 
does  it;  and  if  he  is  not  free — he  does  it  just 
the  same. 


TH  E  potentialities  of  a  strong  silent  man 
are  nothing  to  the  potentialities  of  a  weak 
talkative  woman. 


YO  U   will  probably  be  very  nearly  right  if 
you  judge  men  by  their  hand  shakes  and 
women  by  their  kisses. 


A' 


L  C  O  H  O  L  is  not  a  good  preservative  of 
grey  matter. 


24 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

'O  C  I  E  T  Y  says,  if  you  have  come  into 
^  money  you  can  come  in  anywhere. 


B 


E  C  A  U  S  E  she  is  up-to-date  you  must 
not  count  on  a  woman  being  up  to  time. 


PLATONIC  friendship'  is  the  story  a 
woman  puts  up  to  a  man  before,  and  to 
the  world  afterwards. 


MARRIAGE  is  a  woman's  entry  into  and 
a  man's  exit  from  Hfe — that  is,  officially. 


25 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 


IT  IS  a  funny  thing  that  a  man  always  has  to 
tell  a  woman  that  he  loves  her  while  every- 
one else  knows  it  without  being  told. 


O   MANY   more  people  are  capable  of 
*  being  loved  than  are  capable  of  loving. 


LOVE  affairs  are  all  alike,  it  is  only  the 
/  lovers  who  are  different. 


HA  VI N  G  what  you  want  is  not  nearly  so 
interesting  as  getting  what  you  want. 

26 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

THERE  are  two  sorts  of  men,  those  who 
are  constant  in  love  and  those  who  are 
constantly  in  love — and  perhaps  the  first  don't 
exist. 


IF  YOU  don't  want  tummy-ache  don't  eat 
unripe  fruit;  and  if  you  don't  want  heart- 
ache don't  marry  a  young  man. 


THERE  is  only  one  temptation  in  the 
world  that  it  is  worth  while  resisting  and 
that  is — spring  onions. 


M 


O  N  E  Y  talks,  and  the  larger  the  means 
the  clearer  the  meaning. 


27 


MOST  WOMEN  if  they  had  to  choose 
would  ask  for  a  clear  complexion  in  pre- 
ference to  a  clear  conscience. 


28 


'^-m^ 


o 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

NE  may  get  what  one  deserves  but  seldom 
what  one  is  promised. 


THE  WOMAN  who  has  never  deceived 
her  husband  must  havean  extraordinarily 
acute  husband. 


TH  E  only  time  a  thing  is  really  worth 
doing  is  for  the  first  time  and  for  the  last 
time. 


THE  education  system  must  be  all  wrong. 
What  sort  of  use  is  Latin  to  a  young  man 
on  his  first  trip  to  Paris?  You  can't  get  much 
for'arderwith  a  livingwoman  by  being  familiar 
with  a  dead  tongue. 


30 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

IF  A  WOMAN  is  young  and  pretty  and 
fascinating,  the  world  of  men  will  forgive 
her  anything — and  see  to  it  that  there  is  every- 
thing to  forgive. 


E 


VERY  woman  should  be  an  edition  de  luxe 
of  herself. 


THE  one  woman  in  the  world  who  could 
make  a  man  of  a  fool,  a  home  of  a  house, 
and  a  romance  of  a  marriage  probably  wears 
glasses  and  jaeger  and  so  never  gets  a  chance. 


IT  IS  MORE  or  less  true  that  an  attractive 
woman  has  no  friends.  The  men  are  more 
and  the  women  less. 


31 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

WH  AT  a  lovely  world  it  would  be  if  one 
could  recover  the  money  and  the  love 
and  the  time  one  has  misspent. 


MEN  will  pretend  to  understand  things 
that  they  don't  and  women  willpretend 
not  to  understand  things  that  they  do. 


I 


F  M  E  N  could  read  women's  thoughts 
publishers  would  die  of  starvation. 


A  MAN  keeps  a  woman's  love  by  making 
promises  he  can't  keep;  a  woman  keeps 
a  man's  love  by  refusing  to  make  promises  she 
can  keep. 


32 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

THEY  say  that  one  way  to  continue  to 
enjoy  dinners  for  two  after  marriage  is  to 
have  breakfast  for  one. 


M 


ANY  women  who  look  ripe  are  rotten 
at  core. 


o 


N  E  is  forgotten  even  sooner  when  one 
is  ahve  than  when  one  is  dead. 


AM  AN  does  not  ask  a  woman  if  she  loves 
him  until  he  is  almost  sure  that  she  does 
so,  and  a  woman  does  not  ask  a  man  if  he  loves 
her  until  she  is  almost  sure  that  he  does  so  no 
longer. 


33 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 


WOMEN  are  generally  supplied  with  the 
necessary  food  of  life  but  they  help  them- 
selves to  salt. 


I 


F  ONLY  the  women  we  love  were  as  true 
as  the  things  they  teach  us  about  women ! 


AP  R  E  T  T  Y  woman  alone  is  invariably 
considered  a  mystery;  a  plain  woman 
alone  is  a  perfectly  natural  phenomenon. 


TV  yTAN  Y  a  woman  who  looks  light  would 


be  a  terrible  burden. 


34 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

THE  people  who  are  quite  unforgiving  are 
those  to  whom  there  is  never  anything  to 
forgive. 


THE  things  one  does  because  one  wants 
to  do  them  are  generally  wrong  from 
somebody's  point  of  view.  It  is  therefore 
better  to  do  them  out  of  view  of  everybody. 


I 


T  IS  no  good  having  strong  desires  if  you 
have  a  weak  will. 


M 


ANY  a  man  makes  a  profession  of  being 
entertaining  in  order  to  be  entertained. 


35 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 


ODDLY  enough  the  woman  who  looks 
most  self-possessed  generally  belongs  to 
some  man. 


I 

fool 


F  Y  O  U  don't  tell  a  woman  she  will  find 
out;  and  if  you  do  tell  a  woman  you're  a 


T 


H  E  man  who  cannot  make  a  mistake 
never  tried. 


AW  O  M  A  N  likes  the  things  her  lover 
likes,  but  loathes  the  things  he  loves. 

36 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 


AW  O  M  A  N  may  weigh  thirteen  stone 
and  still  love  lightly. 


T?  VERYTHING  depends  upon  position- 


I 


even  in  the  matter  of  adipose  tissue. 


T  DOES  not  matter  that  a  kiss  is  ill-timed 
if  it  is  w^ ell  placed. 


FLIRTATION  is  the  froth  on  top  of 
the  w^ineof  love. 


37 


M 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

O  S  T  women's  ideas  are  better  than 
their  morals. 


lO  M  E  women's  love  stories  are  not  even 
'founded  on  fact. 


IW  O  N  D  E  R  who  suggested  an  apron 
string  as  the  one  to  which  a  woman  ties  a 
man?  In  reality  she  would  probably  use  a  pink 
ribbon. 


LI  F  E  is  a  guessing  competition  and  the 
-/men  who  guess  right  become  millionaires 
or  misogynists. 


38 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

WO  M  EN  are  reputed  to  be  able  to  do  or 
undo  anything  with  a  hair  pin.  Some  of 
them  can  do  quite  a  lot  without  one. 


TH  E  R  E  is  all  the  difference  in  the  world 
between  being  left  by  oneself  and  being 
left  by  someone  else. 


ALL  WOMEN  want  real  love,  but  their 
passion  for  bargains  leads  them  to  accept 
cheap  imitations. 


WHAT  a  woman's  eyes  tell  a  man,  and 
what  his  own  eyes  tell  him  is  all  he  can 
ever  hope  to  know  about  her. 


39 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

AM  AN  sometimes  wants  to  be  alone  to  be 
alone,  but  if  a  woman  wants  to  be  alone  it 
is  to  be  alone  with  someone. 

EV  E  RYO  N  E  has  his  own  particular  way 
of  making  an  ass  of  himself  and  if  your 
method  is  peculiar  enough  you  are  snap- 
shotted for  the  halfpenny  press — and  that  is 
fame. 

IT  IS  the  most  difficult  thing  in  the  world 
to  attract  the  attention  of  a  crowd,  it  is 
always  so  absolutely  intent  on  the  man  who 
is  trying  to  escape  its  attention. 

IF  Y  O  U  can't  get  rid  of  a  man  any  other 
way — marry  him. 


40 


I 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

F  Y  O  U  want  people  to  take  your  hand 
put  it  in  your  pocket. 


ME  N  all  lie  to  women — in  order  to  win 
them,  in  order  to  lose  them,  or  some- 
times only  in  order  to  comfort  them. 


ONE  imagines  that  the  reason  some  peo- 
ple are  so  keen  on  getting  married  is  that 
you  can't  get  divorced  till  you  are  married. 


EVERYONE  goes  everywhere  now-a- 
days;  it  is  very  tiresome,  because  it  makes 
it  almost  impossible  to  see  life  without  being 
seen. 


41 


H 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

U  S  B  A  N  D  S  and  wives  often  become 
fast  simply  in  their  efforts  to  escape  one 


another. 


YO  U  can't  have  a  really  good  time  and  a 
really  good  reputation,  but  then  a  good 
reputation  is  of  no  value  at  all  until  it  is  lost. 


THE  man  to  marry  is  not  the  man  you  can 
be  happy  w^ith  but  the  man  you  can't  be 
happy  without. 


NOTHING  in  this  world  is  compromis- 
ing until  it  is  found  out. 


42 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 


THE  only  way  to  close  some  people's 
mouths  is  to  fill  them. 


IT  IS  extraordinary  how  marriage  changes 
a  man — towards  the  woman  he  has  married. 


AG  R  E  A  T  scandal  is  generally  the  public 
version  of  a  great  secret. 


RICH   FRIENDS  are  a  great  expense; 
one  is  so  apt  to  live  beyond  their  means. 


43 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

IF  A   WOMAN    expresses  admiration 
for  another   woman,  either  she  does   not 
admire  her  or  her  husband  does  not. 


AM  A  N  will  forgive  a  woman  for  not  being 
there  when  he  wanted  her,  but  never  for 
being  there  when  he  did  not  want  her. 


MANY  A  MAN  known  to  the  public 
as  a  'man  of  letters'  is  known  to  his  own 
people  as  a  man  of  casual  notes  and  infrequent 
telegrams. 


A' 


L  M  O  S  T  anyone  can  be  noticeable,  but 
only  a  very  few  are  distinguished. 


44 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

THEFRENCH  describe  a  woman  of 
over  forty  as  of  a '  certain  age,'  but  as  a 
matter  of  fact  it  is  after  she  is  forty  that  a 
woman's  age  becomes  most  uncertain. 


EVERYONE  likes  to  be  loved,  if  it  is 
only  to  convince  someone  else  that  they 
are  lovable. 


w 


M 


H  E  N  a  woman  is  past  the  love  stage 
she  is  dead. 


OST  PEOPLE  are  only  caricatures 
of  their  own  possibilities. 


45 


ME  N  do  not  try  to  escape  temptations; 
their  only  fear  is  that  some  temptation 
should  escape  them. 


imimiimwfJiiiimiiiiii^ 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

THE  WORLD  is  logical  and  ruthless 
in  its  conclusions;  it  says  that  if  a  man  is 
not  worth  any  money  he  is  worthless,  and  that 
if  a  man  is  worth  ^Ti  00,000  he  is  worthy. 


INFIDELITY  is,  very  occasionally,  the 
greatest  compliment   a  man   can   pay    a 
woman. 


THE   WOMAN  who  bares  her  shoul- 
ders usually  has  a  larger  following  than 
the  woman  who  bares  her  soul. 


I 


TISIM  POSSIBLE  to  study  Hfe  and 
your  husband  as  well. 


48 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

AM  A  N  who  begins  by  asking  a  woman 
to  sell  her  soul  usually  ends  by  asking  her 
to  sell  her  diamonds. 


T 


HE  BENEFIT  of  credit  is  greater 
than  the  benefit  of  the  doubt. 


A 


GOOD   REASON  MAY  be  a  bad 
excuse. 


THE  CLEVEREST  woman  is  not 
the  one  that  can  make  a  man  feel  that  he 
is  a  fool  but  the  woman  that  can  make  a  man 
feel  that  he  is  a  man. 


49 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

WOMEN  may  want  to  be  slaves  but  they 
insist  on  choosing  their  own  masters. 


DISCRETION  is  the  talent  some  women 
have  of  knowing  with  whom  they  can  be 

indiscreet. 


THE  MOST  perfect  form  of  flattery  is 
to  tell  people  what  they  think  of  them- 
selves. 


IT  IS  NOT  what  you  think  of  him,  but 
what  other  people  think  of  your  husband 
decides  whether  you  have  made  a  good  match 
or  not. 


50 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

I 


T  IS  NOT  her  sense  but  his  senses  that 
make  a  man  love  a  woman. 


L' 


E  A  D  E  R  S  of  men  have  been  known  to 
be  followers  of  women. 


T  F  Y  O  U  want  to  keep  a  man's  love,  by  all 


means  dress  for  him,  not  before  him. 


T 


HE  LESS  women  care  about  clothes 
the  more  clothes  they  wear. 


51 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

MEN  ARE  capable  of  the  most  mar- 
vellous self-sacrifice;  a  man  will  even 
give  up  the  woman  he  loves  because  he  cannot 
afford  to  keep  both  a  wife  and  a  motor. 


BE  SU  RE  that  you  are  outside  when  you 
lock  the  door  of  the  house  of  memory  and 
throw  away  the  key. 


T 


HE  LAWYER'S  Progress— getting 
on,  getting  honour,  getting  honest. 


I 


N   A   CRISIS  a  woman  will  turn  to  a 
priest  or  a  palmist. 


52 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 


W^  H  E  N  a  man  ceases  to  be  single  he  ipso 
facto  begins  to  lead  a  double  life. 


LIFE  for  a  man  is  getting  and  forgetting, 
/  for  a  woman  giving  and  forgiving. 


AM  U  T  U  A  L  sense  of  superiority  is  a 
good  basis  for  friendship  between  two 
women. 


D 


E  C  E  P  T  I  O  N  S   are  the  oil  to  the 
wheels  of  life. 


53 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 


IT  IS   WELL  to  be  out  of  reach  but  you 
must  also  be  within  sight  to  hold  a  man's 
attention. 


w 

them  for. 


OMEN  love  men  for  theirfaults — when 
they  can't  find  anything  else  to  love 


A  MYSTERY  does  not  become  a  scandal 
until  it  is  solved. 


MANY  a  man  gets  on  his  feet  by  continu- 
ing to  lie. 

54 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

SILK  stockings  are  the  last  things  a  woman 
discards — when  she  is  economising. 


ONE  of  the  most  adorable  rules  of  life  is 
always  to  put  off  till  to-morrow  what  you 
are  obliged  to  do  to-day. 


GOOD  habits  are  generally  affectations  or 
obesity  cures  and  bad  habits  are  often 
one's  sole  plea  to  personality. 


SOME  people  seem  to  think  that  a  reputa- 
tion for  wit  is  to  be  gained  by  saying  what 
they  think;  they  forget  that  it  is  necessary 
first  of  all  to  think  wittingly. 


55 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

A 


LOVE  affair  that  never  ends  is  one  that 
has  been  interrupted. 


\  WOMAN  may  have  her  price  yet  some- 


T 


one  is  always  ready  to  give  her  away. 


H  E  one  that  does  not  come  out  of  a  love 
affair  well  is  the  one  that  gets  left  in. 


LO  VE  is  a  thirst  that  one  cannot  quench 
/  without  becoming  intoxicated. 

S6 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

IF  YOU  start  making  a  man  give  up  things 
you  are  almost  sure  to  end  by  being  one  of 
the  things  he  gives  up. 


I 


F  YOU  can't  talk  about  a  person  behind 
their  back,  when  can  you  talk  about  them? 


SOME  women  are  capable  of  doing  any- 
thing for  the  man  they  love,  others  make 
the  man  they  love  capable  of  doing  anything. 


IT  IS  NOT  as  a  rule  until  a  woman  should 
really  be  in  the  past  tense  that  she  becomes 
intense  at  all. 


SI 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

IT  IS  hardly  fair  to  say  that  women  are 
inherently  deceitful.  No  woman  ever  con- 
cealed anything  that  she  dared  reveal. 


I 


T  IS  not  enough  for  a  woman  to  wear  her 
clothes  well,  she  must  also  wear  well  herself. 


IF  A  WOMAN  cares  for  a  man  she  will 
never  give  him  away ;  she  will  not  even  lend 
him  to  a  friend. 


IT  I S  not  the  woman  the  man  she  loves  has 
kissed  that  should  worry  a  jealous  woman 
but  the  women  he  has  not  kissed — yet. 


S8 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

THE  only  criterion  for  choosing  presents 
is  one's  own  taste;  that  is  why  old  ladies 
give  their  nephews  pin  cushions,  children  give 
their  parents  toys,  men  give  their  wives  cigars, 
and  lovers  give  each  other  kisses. 


YO  U  would  be  astonished  at  the  calcula- 
tions the  most  unmathematical  woman 
can  do  in  her  head. 


T 


HE  man  who  may  mayn't,  the  man  who 
mayn't  will  every  time. 


ONE'S  friends  are  divided  into  two  classes, 
those  one  knows  because  one  must  and 
those  one  knows  because  one  mustn't. 


59 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

THERE  are  some  men  whose  very  in- 
solence is  flattery  to  a  woman,  while  even 
the  flattery  of  others  is  insulting. 


MA  N  Y  a  woman  who  seems  to  want 
coaxing  might  be  driven  if  the  car  were 
luxurious  enoueh. 


T 


O  BE  subject  to  one's  relations  is  worse 
than  being  subject  to  fits. 


IN  T  H  E  game  of  life  the  woman  who  is 
lucky  in  hearts  generally  holds  the  biggest 
diamonds  too. 


60 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

OME  women  seem  to  think  that  they 
have  only  to  wear  a  smile  to  be  chic. 


IT  IS  difficult  enough  to  know  the  right 
people,  but  a  hundred  times  more  difficult 
to  love  the  right  people. 


NARROW  minds  seem  to  be  able  to 
squeeze  in  anywhere. 


O  VE  is  like  a  bazaar.  The  admittance  is 
free  but  it  costs  you  something  before  you 


c 

get  out 


6i 


You  can  never  forget  a  sin  you  have  con- 
fessed. 


63 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

ONLY  the  novice  attempts  to  fascinate  a 
man  by  convincing  him  how  charming 
she  is;  the  woman  who  knows  simply  con- 
vinces him  how  charming  he  is  and  the  rest 
just  happens. 

WOMAN  has  proved  that  she  can  take  a 
man's  place  among  men.  But  she  will 
never  be  able  to  take  a  man's  place  among 
women. 


E 


VERYONE  has  been  young  once,  most 
women  are  young  about  three  times. 


MANY  a  woman  tries  to  cheer  herself 
up  with  the  thought  that  her  husband 
would  be  sorry  if  she  died. 


64 


A 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

WOMAN  has  to  choose  between  being 
an  episode  and  being  a  nuisance. 


NO  ONE  has  anything  but  contempt  for 
the  world's  opinion  of  them — unless  it  is 
a  really  good  one. 


IT  IS  hard  to  say  which  is  the  more  to  be 
pitied,  a  man  with  an  ugly,  unattractive  wife 
he  does  not  care  for  or  the  man  with  a  pretty 
fascinating  wife  whom  he  does  care  for. 


AS  LONG  as  you  return  his  presents  a  man 
-will  continue  to  love  you,  but  return  his 
love  and  he  really  does  become  discouraged. 


/  6s 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

SPEECH  may  have  been  given  a  woman 
to  conceal  her  thoughts  but  clothes  were 
certainly  not  given  her  to  conceal  her  form. 


PEOPLE  who  have  lost  their  reputation 
generally  acquire  such  very  bad  ones  in  its 
place. 


THE  fact  that  he  is  boring  other  people 
luckily  does  not  prevent   a  man  from 
amusing  himself. 


TO  HAVE  their  private  life  made  public 
is  the  way  some  people  have  got  into 
and  others  out  of  society. 


66 


T 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

HREE  is  usually  an  unlucky  number  if 
one  is  the  third. 


IF  A  MAN  loves  his  wife  he  thinks  every- 
one does,  and  if  he  does  not  love  her  he 
thinks  no  one  does — and  in  both  cases  he  is 
probably  wrong. 


HOME  comforts  are  things  that  are  always 
sent  to  people  away  from  home;  those  at 
home  have  to  put  up  with  the  discomforts. 


GOOD  women  are  nearly  always  jealous  of 
bad  women — and  they  have  every  reason 
to  be. 


67 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

AM  AN  is  really  capable  if  he  can  success- 
fully mix  his  wines  and  keep  his  women 
friends  apart. 


A  MAN  does  not  love  a  woman  because  she 
is  a  good  house-keeper,  but  he  is  quite 
likely  to  unlove  her  because  she  is  a  bad  one. 


A 


GIRL  must  sometimes  find  it  awfully 
difficult  to  give  her  friends  a  good  reason 

for  having  married  the  only  man  who  ever 

asked  her. 


Y 


O  U  may  feel  for  others  but  you  must 
think  for  yourself. 


68 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 


THE  very  worst  people  often  live  at  the 
very  best  addresses. 


ALMOST  anyone  can  see  the  humour  of 
..the  situation  when  it  is  someone  else  who 
is  situated. 


FROM  the  way  some  people  seem  to  avoid 
knowing  themselves  we  imagine  them  to 
be  quite  particular  about  their  acquaintances. 


A  MAN  of  honour  does  not  help  himself 
to  another  man's  property — until  he  can't 
help  himself. 


69 


MOST  women  live  for  the  present,  and 
the  handsomer  the  present  the  better 
they  live. 


70 


^a(§n^m(^[^^^^(^(^(^^iMjWMr^rQ)i(^ 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

LOVE  has  so  many  components — multi- 
>  coloured  beads  threaded  on  the  string  of 
trust ;  break  that  and  all  the  beads  are  scattered. 


THAT  a  man  is  fat  does  not  necessarily 
prove   that   he  is  generous — except  to 
himself. 


SO  MANY  people  would  give  anything 
to  escape  from  home  to  some  place  where 
they  could  be  really  at  home. 


G 


O  O  D  N  E  S  S  only  knows— half  what 
wickedness  knows. 


72 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

THERE  are  all  sorts  of  women.  Choose 
one  you  like,  but  never  try  to  change  the 
one  you  choose. 


THERE  are  people  who  are  always  com- 
plaining that  they  don't  know  what  to  do, 
while  the  only  trouble  other  people  have  is 
that  they  can't  remember  what  not  to  do. 


A' 


N   INNOCENT  question  may  have 
anything  but  an  innocent  answer. 


TT^VE  RY  woman  acts  one  part  in  her  life, 
to  marry  wants  to  marry 


that  of  the  sort  of  girl  the  man  she  wants 


IZ 


MEN  always  say  that  they  loathe  being 
flattered,  but  don't  take  any  notice — no 
man  has  ever  known  that  he  was  flattered. 


IS 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

WOMEN  are  divided  into  two  classes, 
good  wives  who  have  no  husband,  and 
bad  wives  who  have  several. 


AP  R  E  T  T  Y  girl  can  afford  to  wear  in- 
expensive dresses,  on  the  other  hand  she 
is  more  likely  to  be  able  to  afford  costly  ones 
than  if  she  were  plain. 


WH  E  N   a   flapper  wants   to  she  does, 
when  she  doesn't  want  to  she  says  her 
mother  wo'nt  let  her. 


IT  IS   USELESS  to  be  able  to  support 
a  woman  in  luxury  if  you  cannot  support 
her  en  deshabille. 


76 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 


BETTER  a  will  in  your  favour  than  a 
will  of  your  own. 


THE  ONLY  way  to  keep  a  man  at  home 
is  to  go  out  with  him. 


WOMEN  love  men  for  what  they  give 
them,  men  love  women  for  what  they 
deny  them. 


THE  TROUBLE  is  that  man  is  by 
1 


nature  a  man — not  a  husband. 


17 


LETTERS  that  should  never  have  been 
/  written  and  ought  immediately  to  be  de- 
stroyed are  the  only  ones  worth  keeping. 


79 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 


TRUE    FRIENDS'    are    generally 
quite  impossible,  and  true  lovers  highly 
improbable. 


N 


EVER  make  a  woman  cry  unless  she 
insists. 


AM  A  N  is  like  an  omelette,  he  cannot  be 
successfully  warmed  up  again  once  he  has 


got  cold. 


YOU  NEED  not  consider  a  man  but  you 
1 


must  amuse  him. 


80 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

TO   KNOW   and  understand  women 
requires  brain:  to  know  and  understand 
men  requires  beauty. 


WHEN  a  woman  begins  to  boast  of  the 
insults  she  has  been  offered  in  the  past 
her  charms  are  waning. 


A 


CLEVER  woman  can  help  her  hus- 
band, a  pretty  woman  can  help  herself. 


M 


OONLIGHT  does  not  make  things 
happen  but  it  makes  them  visible. 


g  '  8i 


T 


HE  husband  who  counts  is  the  one  who 
has  something  to  count. 


82 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

TH  E  R  E  I  S  a  lot  of  difFerence  between 
the  man  who  admires  fresh  complexions 
and  the  man  who  likes  fresh  faces. 


AW  O  M  A  N  never  notices  that  there  is 
nothing  to  do  in  a  place  unless  there  is 
no  one  to  do  it  with. 


THERE  are  no  middle-aged  people  now: 
they  are  young,  wonderful  for  their  age, 
and  then  dead. 


THE  ACT  of 'putting  your  cards  on  the 
table 'does  not  necessarily  reveal   what 
your  foot  is  doing  under  it. 


84 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

VERY  few  women  will  go  so  far  to  prove 
that  their  price  is  above  rubies  as  to  refuse 
— rubies. 


M 


E  N  never  grow  up,  they  begin  and  end 
in  arms. 


TH  E  history  of  the  world  is  the  story  of 
how  different  people  made  the  same  mis- 
take. Progress  is  the  occasionaldeparturefrom 
this  order  when  someone  has  sufficient  genius 
to  think  of  a  new  sort  of  mistake  to  make. 


WOMEN   will  destroy  a  man's  faith, 
his  illusions,  his  love:  but  they  will  not 
destroy  his  letters. 


8s 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 


AM  A  N  goes  to  a  woman  when  he  is  in 
trouble — and  gets  into  more  trouble. 


TF  A  WOMAN  wants  a  thing  she  gets 


it.  If  a  man  wants  a  thing  he  buys  it. 


o 


jP  I  N  I  O  N  S  differ  as  to  whether  it  is 
bad  to  be  modern  or  merely  modern  to 
be  bad. 


^IRE-ARMS  and  freedom  are  two  things 
that  very  few  women  ever  handle  properly. 


86 


w 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

H  A  T  a  woman   doesn't   know  she 
guesses,  and  what  she  guesses  she  knows. 


N 


O  WOMAN  with  real  beauty  ever  had 
false  modesty. 


w 


HEN  a  man  has  money  to  burn  the 
chronic  borrower  is  a  match  for  him. 


SOME  people  who  boast  of  not  wearing 
their  heart  on  their  sleeve  probably  know 
that  if  they  did  it  would  give  them  a  most 
awfully  shabby  appearance. 


87 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

MOST  women  look  better  on  a  cushioned 
couch  than  on  a  pedestal,  and  certainly 
feel  more  at  home. 

WHEN  a  woman  wants  a  man  to  love  her 
it  does  not  necessarily  mean  that  she 
loves  him;  it  probably  means  that  some  other 
woman  loves  him. 

THERE  are  people  who  read  books,  look 
at  cathedrals  and  commit  sins  merely  to 
provide  themselves  with  topics  of  conversa- 
tion. 

A  MAN'S  sense  of  honour  is  a  very  delicate 
mechanism  and  apt  to  get  out  of  order  if 
brought  too  near  a  pretty  woman. 


88 


w 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

OMAN  is  the  eternal  question,  and  man 
is  the  answer  to  it. 


PEOPLE  will  tell  you  that  they  never  do 
what  they  are  ashamed  of,  when  what  they 
really  mean  is  that  they  are  never  ashamed  of 
what  they  do. 


ORIGINALLY  an  animal,  man  has  been 
improved  by  civilization  and  may  eventu- 
ally develop  into  a  perfect  beast. 


I 


F   A  WOMAN  speaks  without  thinking, 
she  may  perhaps  say  what  she  really  thinks. 


89 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 


AM  A  N  who  will  come  and  go  at  a  wo- 
man's  word   invariably  has  to  go  once 
oftener  than  he  comes. 


TO  LOOK  WELL  DRESSED  is  a  mat- 
ter of  technique;  to  look  well  undressed 
requires  natural  gifts. 


AWOMAN  should  exercise  the  greatest 
care  in  the  choice  of  the  men  she  allows 
to  love  her,  for  by  the  quality  of  her  lovers  the 
quality  of  her  attractions  will  be  judged. 


E  W  M  E  N  are  quite  so  intolerable  as  the 
eulogies  of  the  v 
make  them  out  to  be. 


eulogies  of  the  women  who  love   them 


90 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 


A  WOMAN  loses  her  illusions  at  just  about 
the  same  time  as  she  loses  her  looks. 


THE  TRUE  test  is  not  whether  a  man 
behaves  like  a  gentleman,  but  whether  he 
misbehaves  like  one. 


/CONVERSATION   I  S  listening  to 


yourself  in  the  presence  of  others. 


A 


LOVER'S  eyes  are  a  flattering  mirror. 


91 


WHE  N  you  see  an  old  man  alone  you 
are  looking  at  something  very  sad. 
When  you  see  an  old  man  with  a  young  wo- 
man you  are  looking  at  something  rich. 


93 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

IT  IS  NOT  quite  fair  to  blame  people 
for  not  possessing  the  virtues  with  which 
your  imagination  has  endowed  them. 

AMAN'S    I  DE  A  of  'Hfe' is  a  series  of 
improbable   situations   with    impossible 
people. 

AWOM  AN'S  K  I  SSESprove  almost 
as  little  as  her  words.  A  man  kisses  a 
woman  because  she  attracts  him,  while  a  wo- 
man kisses  a  man  because  she  likes  to  attract 
him. 

SO  MANY  rich  men  have  given  up  all 
the  pleasures  of  youth  so  that  when  thev 
are  old  they  can  afford  all  the  things  they  can 
no  longer  enjoy. 


94 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

AWO  MAN'S  chief  asset  lies  in  what  is 
invested  with  mystery;  a  man's  chief  assets 
must  needs  be  invested  with  knowledge. 


N 


OW-A-DAYS  it  is  almost  impossible 
to  keep  outsiders  outside. 


MOST    MARRIED  people  would 
get  on  so  much  better  together  if  they 
were  apart. 


AM  A  N  will  tell  a  woman  that  he  loves 
her  for  herself  alone,  but  what  he  really 
means  is  that  he  loves  her  for  himself  alone. 


95 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 


MOST   PEOPLE'S  idea  of 'starting 
afresh'  is  going  on  in  the    same   way 
somewhere  else. 


WH  E  N   A  woman  marries  she  displays 
her  ability  to  do  so.  When  a  man  marries 
he  displays  his  inability  not  to  do  so. 


IT  I  S  the  man  with  plenty  of  cash  who 
gets  plenty  of  change. 

YOU   CANNOT  make  a  young  girl's 
interest  grow  by  pouring  lotion  on  a  bald 
head. 


96 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 


IN  MARRIAGE  or  any  other  adversity 
a  nice  man's  best  points  come  out,  which  is 
very  delightful  as  long  as  his  teeth  are  not  his 
best  point. 


NO    MAN  ever  regrets  resisting  temp- 
tation, because  no  man   ever   resists   a 
temptation. 


NEVER  ask  a  man — just  make  him  tell 
you. 

AM  A  N   kisses  w^hom  he  may  and  loves 


whom  he  mayn't. 


97 


w 


HAT  a  woman  wears  reveals  more  than 
what  she  says. 


98 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

RE  D  haired  women  generally  look  as  if 
they  would  like  to  be  kissed,  while  red 
haired  men  look  as  if  they  would  like  to  be 
bald. 


T 


HE  book  of  life  is  illustrated  in  black  and 
white;  dreams  are  the  colour  supplement. 


TH  E  most  tragic  moment  of  a  woman's 
life  is  the  one  in  which  she  realises  that 
she  can  at  last  play  with  fire  without  getting 
burnt. 


WH  E  N  a  woman  believes  in  a  man's 
fidelity  it  is  not  because  she  trusts  him, 
but  because  she  has  confidence  in  herself. 


lOO 


M 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

OST  people  would  like  their  own  ways 
and  other  people's  means. 


THERE  are  not  enough  men  to  go  round, 
but  some  heroes  attempt  to  put  things 
right  by  going  round  as  much  as  ever  they 
can. 


SUCCESSFUL  men  take  advantage  of 
opportunities — successful  women  take  ad- 
vantage of  successful  men. 


MOST   women  start  a  love  affair  by 
having  a  secret  with  a  man,  and  end  by 
having  secrets  from  him. 


lOI 


T  A  T  L  I  N  G  S 

IT  IS  a  woman's  lot  to  pretend  to  care  less 
than  she  does,  while  a  man  pretends  to  care 
more  than  he  does.  They  both  leave  off  pre- 
tending about  the  same  time. 


M 


E'N  have  privileges — but  they  have  to 
pay  the  cab. 


T 


HE  object  of  a  woman  with  a  past  is 
probably  a  man  with  a  present. 


102 


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